no. wanna try again?

[irrelevant]

-It's October. Why do I feel like I have a summer cold? In other news, my sinuses just exploded. Ew.

-I wish I didn't, but some things you can't kill without a stake. Or in this case, kryptonite.

Bat fic is all so angsty, mine included, but that's about to change, because I'm going write an apocafic starring Jason, Kon and Damian, which will be total crack simply by virtue of starring Jason, Kon and Damian. You know how Bruce was supposedly dead for a while? He's actually lost in time because Darkseid sent him there in Morrison's abortion (Final Crisis). So I was just idly thinking last night, well, what if Darkseid (who is like, the baddy to end all baddies) implanted the seeds of the anti-life equation (Darkseid's obsession) in Bruce's brain before the shit hit the fan? What if Bruce is his, you know, Trojan Horse or some shit like that? So when Bruce gets back to the present, he's totally the antiChrist from Apokolips.

So Jason is in a bar in Maine because Dick got him out of prison and told him he had to go spend a month at ye olde Wayne hunting lodge (which is actually not a hunting lodge; more like a mansion) and get his head straight and not kill people, which doesn't make Jason happy, which is why he's in a bar freaking a bunch of sorority-types out by drinking vodka straight from the bottle while he plays with his knife.

So he's in the bar, and this enormous quasi-demon-chick appears outside and starts destroying stuff. So Jason kills her, and then he's all: "This piece of crap looks like a parademon. Oh wait, that's because it is a parademon. WTF?"

And then Kon shows up because Damian called for a Super and he was the only one who answered (everybody else is fighting antilife freaks), and Damian sent Kon to get Jason because Jason is the only entirely human revenant left on earth, and he's also Bruce's kid, and according to Dr. Fate, a dead Robin is going to kick Bruce's ass and make him stop being the Apokoliptian antiChrist.

Jason's like: "No, and also I don't like Supers, and also? No."

So Kon bugs out and comes back with Damian, and while Damian and Jason are trying to kick each other's asses, more parademons show up, and Kon goes: "Dudes, stop killing each other and waste these losers."

So they do that and then Jason is all: "Okay, bitches, explain." And then they embark on their Quest to Stop Bruce from Being a Total Dick, which, you know, kind of succeeds, but not really because Bruce will never totally stop being a dick, but at least he won't be the antilife antiChrist anymore.

And of course Steph and Tim and Dick and Cass Cain and Bart and Jaime will all eventually join them on their Quest, and Kon'll be like: "Road trip! With flying! And superspeed! (Bart)"

And everyone else will be: "Kon, shut the fuck up." But it will be awesome anyway.

And wow, my brain is a truly scary fucking place, y/y? So that's what I'm doing this summer, probably.

Anyway, I signed up for apocabigbang. I'm doomed.

Comments

[gloss]

Wow, yay!